When You're Gone
by x-emily
Summary: It's been a year since the passengers of 815 were rescued, and Jack is not as happy as would be expected. On the contrary, he'd hit rock bottom long ago, and was still sinking. But what happens when he is reunited with his soulmate? Jate.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

He slammed the empty pill bottle down angrily. Empty again. Now he'd have to refill the prescription. He could only hope they wouldn't give him a hard time again. Jack Shepard watched as the bottle toppled over, and rolled off the marble counter. This was his weapon of choice. If he could have this however, he'd just get an alternative.

Sighing heavily, Jack slowly made his way across the room to the liquor cupboard. His sweaty palms grasped the handle, pulling it open weakly. He was greeted with a view of old friends, all of which he'd become quite familiar with in the last year. With a bitter taste in his mouth, he grabbed on of the bottles, not even caring to glance at the label. What did it matter anyway? It would still end in the same sweet release. It always did.

Not bothering to grab a glass, Jack merely took a swig from the bottle, feeling the alcohol burning down his throat. He stumbled across the room to the window which displayed a breathtaking view of Los Angeles. Instead of appreciating this sight, Jack's eyes were drawn to his distorted and shadowed reflection. The man staring back at him was nothing like the man he had been just a year ago. This man was now just an empty shell, nothing with meaning left inside of him. Nothing but an aching heart.

As this thought goes through his head, the image of a beautiful woman appears to him. Her freckled face is terrified, but appears determined to stay strong. Her coffee coloured curls blow softly in the gentle wind, and her emerald green eyes pierce his soul. It is the image of Kate, as he first saw her. This image has been burned into his mind, and will likely haunt him for all eternity.

It occurred to him that even then, in the shock of the horrific crash, Jack had thought her beautiful. And why not? Kate's appearance was breathtaking, her soul caring and gentle. She was the perfect match for him, Jack was sure. And he loved her, more than he'd ever admit. Especially after letting her go.

When they had finally been rescued from the island, Kate was immediately taken in by authorities. All of the fight in her seemed to have run out, after all that was needed on the island. As she was driven away in the police car, her green eyes that once sparkled with mischief now stared dull and emotionless at Jack. After all that they'd been through together, Jack did nothing to help her.

Thankfully, Kate had an unexpected ally on her side. Her husband Kevin from long ago coincidentally was visiting the same prison that Kate had been sent to, only 2 days after being brought it. The good man that he was had forgiven her long ago, and vowed to help plead her case.

Kate was released a month later. In the juries eyes, the time on the island made up for the time due in prison. Or so Jack read. He hadn't spoken with Kate since the day they were rescued. He hadn't bothered finding her phone number, and hadn't made any attempt to contact her. She had though. Months ago, Jack was informed that a woman by the name of Ms. Austen had called asking for a Dr. Jack Shepard. Ashamed of the fact that he had abandoned her, he merely told his staff to inform her that he wasn't the man she was looking for.

If she had called now, that statement wouldn't exactly be a lie anymore. Jack was no longer heroic and courageous. He was weak and disappointing. He doubted if Kate would ever be able to recognize him.

They say that time changes people. In Jack's case, it wasn't just time. It was the time he had spent alone, reliving all the mistakes he'd made, all the things he wished he could take back that he'd done to her. The long nights he spent dwelling on the fact that he hadn't been good enough for her. She was perfect after all. And he? He was just a pathetic attempt at a hero, who always needed something to fix.

**---**

**Author's Note:  
Not sure if I'll make this into a one shot or continue it. I got inspired to write this after listening to the new Avril song over and over again. Because I love the piano part. I based Jack on how he was portrayed in the season finale. Anyway, review/comments, critiques would be loved. Even if you absolutely hated it. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Jack opened his eyes and allowed a blinding light to seep under his eyelids. With a groan he sat up, squinting around to see where he was. After the previous night's events it seemed Jack had fallen asleep on the couch in his living room. His window faced the east, and the morning sun was bright. He was beginning to regret not bothering to shut the blinds.

Gathering his strength, Jack pulled himself to his feet and wandered into his bedroom. Lucky for him it was a Monday morning. Jack would now have to suffer through a day of work once again. Unfortunately for him, he would have to go through it while nursing a hangover as well.

"Dr. Shepard?"

A sharp voice pulled Jack out of his daydream, where he had been reliving past moments with Kate. His head jerked around to locate the source of the sound. Standing in his doorway was Mandy. She was a nurse at the hospital, and a fairly new one at that. "Hmm?" He mumbled, his pulse returning to a normal speed.

"Are you alright Dr. Shepard?" Mandy asked worriedly, taking a concerned step towards him.

Jack gave a small smile, trying to fool the young woman. "Yeah, I've just got a bit of a headache." He stood abruptly and circled around his desk before continuing. "Was there something you wanted?"

"Oh, yes." She said, still not entirely fooled. Nevertheless, she decided to ignore his obvious bluffing. She gestured down the hall. "The woman in 1516.. Her son is here, and has some questions about her condition. Do you mind going to see him?"

"No, it's fine. Room 1516.. She's the one who had a heart attack, right?"

Mandy nodded. "Yep, that's the one."

"Alright. I'll be there in a second." Jack said, ushering Mandy away. Once she was out of earshot, he sighed heavily. This was going to be a very rough day. After giving himself a few minutes of mental preparation, Jack stepped out of his office, and headed down to room 1516, where Ms. Violet Callis and son were waiting.

When he entered the room, a man sitting in the bedside chair immediately stood. "Hi there. Kevin Callis." He said, extending his hand in greeting.

Jack forced a smile, and shook hands. "Jack Shepard. And how are you doing today Violet?" He asked, directing his attention to the frail woman lying in the bed.

Violet gave a feeble smile. "Well doctor, if you ask me, I've been well enough to be at home for the past week." Jack opened his mouth to protest, but the woman waved him away. "I know, I know, you just want to make sure."

Jack laughed, as did Kevin. "Well Mum, me and the doctor are going to go talk for a bit. Maybe I can get him to let you out earlier." He gave a mischievous wink in his mother's direction. "I'll be back soon."

"Alright. Make sure to butter him up good, Kev!" Violet called to the two men's retreating backs.

Once they'd left the room, Jack began to talk. "Well, you're mother sure has a strong spirit."

Kevin nodded in agreement. "That's for sure. I sure didn't get that from her."

"It's a rare trait," Jack responded sadly, secretly wishing it was one he possessed. Perhaps he did at one time, but there was no way he had it now.

The two men stood quietly for a moment before Kevin broke the silence. "Er, anyways. How is she doing, Doctor? Is she getting better?"

Glad of something to talk about, Jack eagerly began to talk. "Quite frankly, yes. She's gotten much stronger over the past few weeks. Her appetite is good; blood pressure is about where it should be."

Kevin smiled with relief. "Good," he trailed off and his grin faded slightly, making it obvious something was still bothering him. "And, er. When do you think she'll be released? You see, I'm getting married in about 2 weeks, and my wife – she'll be heartbroken if my mother can't come. They've become quite attached."

"Don't worry; she'll be out by then. Actually, now that I think about it, she'll be good to leave on Wednesday. If you wanted to make some arrangements for then, that'd be great."

Kevin nodded, a grin spreading across his face once more. "Alright. Thank you Doctor." He stuck out his hand once more.

"Jack," he replied, taking his hand to shake.

"Right," Kevin said, turning to leave. As he stood in the doorway to his mother's room, he stopped suddenly and turned on his heel. "Thanks, Jack. You're a real miracle worker." With that, he entered his mother's room, and left Jack to his thoughts.

**---**

**Author's Note:  
Alright, here we go with another chapter. I've introduced a pretty important character. Not so much of an interesting chapter, but it needed to be put in here. Anyway, reviews are still loved, and I appreciate the ones that I've already received. Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

A week had passed since his meeting with Kevin Callis, and Jack's mood had improved slightly. Perhaps it was because of Kevin calling him a miracle worker. Indeed ever since Kevin had uttered that comment, a lot of good things began to happen to Jack. It seemed he was riding on a wave of good luck – he'd found a $20 bill on the street, run into Sarah at the supermarket, and managed to have a decent conversation with her. This of course, was a rare occurrence.

Mrs. Callis was by far ready to leave the hospital, and Jack had taken it upon himself to inform her family. Since her caregiver was Kevin, it seemed as though he would have to go through another conversation with the man. Not that Jack minded at all – Kevin seemed to be a friendly fellow. Jack glanced at his watch. Five-thirty. Kevin would probably be home by this time.

Setting Mrs. Callis information file on his desk, he quickly scanned the form, searching for Kevin's home phone number. After a few seconds, Jack had found the number, picked up the phone, and dialled. The phone only rang twice, before a woman picked up and said in a worried voice, "Hello?"

Jack could understand why she was worried – she probably assumed that something had happened to Mrs. Callis, and that he was calling to give them the bad news. "I'm calling for Kevin, is he there?"

"Yes, one moment please," the woman replied in a quiet voice. Jack heard a scratchy noise, which he supposed was her hand over the mouthpiece, and a muffled voice.

The voices stopped, and the familiar voice of Kevin was heard. "Hello?"

"This is Dr. Shepard. I'm calling to tell you that you mother has improved greatly. She's ready to go home tomorrow."

There was a moment of shocked silence, before- "Honey! It's alright, Mum can leave the hospital!"

Someone cheered with delight, Jack was assuming the woman he had spoken to earlier. Feeling as though his stomach had flipped, he was painfully reminded of Kate. Immediately, he thrust her out of his thoughts, determined not to rain on the Callis' parade. "Is there a time tomorrow that would be convenient for you to pick her up?" Jack asked, hoping he was heard over the woman.

Miraculously, Kevin had heard him. "I've got the day off tomorrow, actually. I can be there around 2:30, if you'd like."

"That would be fine," Jack assured him, glancing at the doorway. Mandy was standing there, and it appeared that she needed his presence somewhere else. "Listen, I can't talk for long, I'm needed elsewhere."

"Oh, right. Of course," Kevin said. "I'll guess I'll see you at 2:30 then."

"Two-thirty it is," Jack said with a grin. "You're mother'll be quite happy to leave, I'm sure."

Kevin laughed. "Who wouldn't be? Anyway, thank you Doctor. And.. bye, I guess."

"Bye," Jack said quietly, before setting the receiver in its cradle. He closed his eyes breathing deep, but he wasn't allowed a moment's peace, as Mandy ushered him out the door once again, towards the meeting that he had forgotten about.

--

"Good afternoon Violet!" Jack said brightly, a smile plastered across his face, as he came up behind her wheelchair. He could only hope the old woman didn't realise how fake it was – he'd dreamt about Kate again last night, sending him downward into another depressive state. He wouldn't have come to work today at all if it hadn't been for Violet. He'd grown quite attached to the lovable woman, and wished to see her off.

Violet glanced over her shoulder in order to see who was speaking to her. "Well, hello yourself Doctor!" She returned the smile, though hers was remarkably warmer and more pleasant. Jack suspected he looked like he was grimacing.

"Excited to be going home then?" He asked, making his way to her front, trying to keep up the mood.

Mrs. Callis nodded. "Very. I'll even get to go to Kevin's party tonight! However, I don't expect I'll need this." She gestured to the wheelchair, and gave Jack a look indicating that she in no way shape or form wanted to be in the wheelchair.

Jack laughed softly. "Don't worry; we're only using this to get you to the car. Once you're settled in, you'll be free."

"She'll be going to the Bingo in no time," said a voice to Jack's left, which turned out to be a beaming Kevin. Jack had assumed that he would bring along his fiancé as well, but he was alone.

As if she had read Jack's mind, Violet looked behind Kevin curiously. "Where's Ka-"

"She's picking up the wedding dress," Kevin explained, already knowing what his mother's question had been. "Don't worry though, she said she'll see you at the party tonight."

"Oh good," Violet said, wiggling in her chair. "I've been to wanting to talk to her."

Jack and Kevin turned the brakes off on the wheelchair, and began to head towards the elevator. "That reminds me," Kevin said suddenly. "Dr. Shepard, I was wondering.. I know its late notice, but my fiancé and I are have a bit of party tonight. Nothing special, but we'd both love it if you would come – as a thanks for helping Mum get better!"

Jack was taken aback. "I.." he began. "It's fine, you don't need to-"

Kevin cut him off with a wave of his hand. "No, no. I insist."

From the look Kevin was giving him, it was obvious he wasn't going to get out of it without a decent excuse. "Alright," he smiled. It wasn't as if he was doing anything anyway; besides, it might take his mind off of Kate.

"Great!" They had reached the elevator now, and the door was just sliding open. "I've already given the nurse directions to my house for you." Kevin said, as if he had known Jack would agree. "Dinner starts at 6. I'll see you then!"

Jack waved to Violet and her son, as the elevator doors shut quietly. He wandered over to Mandy's desk absently. "Mandy, I'm going on my lunch break. It seems I have a need to go shopping for clothes." With that, he left.

Mandy was in shock – it had been over a year since Jack had taken a lunch break, and by the looks of it, even longer since he had went clothes shopping.

**---**

**Author's Note:  
It seems that some of you have figured out who Kevin is, you smartie pants. Just thought I'd ask what you think of the character of Violet Callis. I'm not sure why, I'm quite fond of her. Just wondering what my readers think. Anyway, I'll going of vacation on the 19th for a week, and I'll try to put up a chapter when I get back. Thanks for reviewing/adding the story as a favourite/adding the story to story alert. I really appreciate it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

It was nearly six o'clock by the time Jack pulled up in front of the Callis home. He had decided it would probably be better to arrive early – after all, he was a doctor, and doctors ought to be punctual. It was a good thing he wasn't late – if he had arrived in about 2 minutes, there would be no where to park at all.

Jack carefully steered his car to the side of the road, and turned off the engine. The keys, he stowed in his pocket of his new jacket, which he had purchased during this afternoon's spur of the moment shopping trip. Along with it, he also wore a new button up shirt, dress pants, and shoes. He looked rather dashing, in his opinion. Probably the best he'd had in a while – Mandy sure seemed to think so. On the contrary she looked shocked when Jack showed up with his purchases. Oh yes, Jack was quite pleased with himself.

As he headed to the front door, Jack got a chance to examine the house. It was rather large for one man – although, it could be possible that his fiancé was living with him. Even still, the house was extravagant. 'But,' he reasoned to himself as he rapped smartly on the front door. 'Some people just need more room."

The door swung open to reveal Kevin, who appeared to be having a rather good time. "Doctor Shepard!" He greeted brightly, ushering him inside. "I'm glad you could come!"

"Thank you," Jack replied to his host, eyes sweeping the front hall. There were quite a few people here, none of them who he recognized. But the again, who was he to know anyone? All he was, was the doctor who treated Kevin's mother. Not very important.

Kevin seemed to think otherwise though. He guided Jack by the arm through the crowds, introducing him to anyone and everyone. As he did so, he chatted amiably, not noticed the dazed expression on Jack's face.

Finally, Jack had met everyone in the room, save for a man standing by the punch bowl. As expected, Kevin immediately led him over. "Max, there's someone here I'd like you to meet. This here's Dr. Shepard – he treated my mum at the hospital." He gestured to Jack, reciting the exact thing he'd said to everyone else.

"Hi there," Jack forced a smile and shook Max's hand. Max merely nodded.

"This is the best man," Kevin stated, as if it were important to the conversation.

"Oh, yeah?" He replied, trying to sound interested. It's not that Kevin was being a bore, it was that Jack had no wish to know who everyone was, or everything about them.

Kevin turned to Max and began to speak. "I was hoping to introduce Jack to.." Who exactly Kevin wished Jack to meet, he couldn't hear – a loud song began to play on the radio, drowning out his words. However, it was obvious that Max didn't know where this person was – he shook his head, and then shrugged.

Kevin looked crestfallen, but shook it off. Jack on the other hand, took the opportunity to excuse himself before he was swept off to meet someone else. Jerking his thumb in what he hoped was the direction of the bathroom; he hurried away up the stairs, leaving Max and Kevin alone.

The music was a lot quieter on the second floor, allowing Jack to think. Why had he even bothered to come to the party? He must have been able to assume it would be a total waste of time. After all, he knew no one, and that was how he liked things to be. Jack only interacted with people he had to. Ever since he left the island at least.

With a heavy sigh, he turned a corner sharply. He collided with something solid, and with a flash of chestnut curls, he found himself sprawled on the ground. Jack squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the throbbing in his shin. He was surprised when a voice very close to his ear, muttered, "I'm sorry."

He sprung up, towering over the person. "No, it was my fault. I should have looked where I was going." A glance downwards told him he had walked into a woman. Her face was covered by a curtain of coffee coloured curls as she examined her knee carefully. His stomach clenched in realization. It couldn't be her, not here, and not now. Turning his back on her abruptly, he prepared to leave before she recognized him. "If you'll excuse me."

Too late.

"Jack?"

**---**

**Author's Note:  
Bleh, not so good of a chapter. I wasn't feeling particularly into it while on vacation, but I wanted to have one done for you when I got back. Which I am now. As always, review are loved. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Jack froze, heart racing frantically. Adrenaline rushed through his body, and it seemed as though all his senses, even ones that he wasn't aware he had were at alert. Perhaps if he didn't move, didn't speak, she would come to the conclusion that she had just imagined Jack.

"Jack, I can't believe it!" She spoke again, sounding ecstatic.

Closing his eyes slowly, he gave himself a moment of preparation before turning around to face her. Kate Austen. The sight of her still took his breath away, although it might have also been because of his moment's panic. She looked the same as she had always looked – except her eyes. They looked older, wiser, as though some of the life had died out of her. Jack assumed this was from her time in prison. "Kate?" he said, forcing a grin on his face, and trying to look as if he was were surprised.

"Oh Jack!" She threw her arms around him, and his heart beat even quicker, if possible. He was back on the island again, holding Kate tight, being there for her when she was frightened. The moment ended abruptly when Kate pulled away all too soon. "How've you been?"

Trying to mask his dismay, Jack had no choice but to lie between his teeth. "I've been great. Been putting in a lot of hours at the hospital, but you know. I've been good." Jack failed to mention the fact that the hospital was the only place he ever went – either that or he was at home, sitting on the couch soaking in pure misery. But there was no need for Kate to know about that.

She nodded, her curls bouncing and spilling over her shoulders. "I tried to get a hold of you when I got out. One hospital even had a Dr. Shepard there, but wasn't you obviously."

Jack's insides warmed. "Really? Imagine that." Everything he was saying sounded stupid and lame to his own ears. Jack ploughed on before Kate could notice. "So, how have you been?"

Kate's grin faltered suddenly, and Jack knew she was painfully reliving her time in prison. But she revealed nothing of it, instead focusing on the positive. "It feels great to be free again. Not having to worry about running, hiding." she admitted, gazing up at Jack, causing his stomach to squirm guiltily.

After all of the time they had spent together on the island, he should have been there with her when she was granted the taste of freedom. But he wasn't. "I can imagine. I wanted to find you, but I wasn't sure where…" Jack invented wildly. It was quite obviously a lie, but Kate didn't call him on it.

Instead, she changed the subject abruptly. "So have you seen any of the others lately?"

Yet again, Jack squirmed guiltily. No he hadn't seen any others from the island, but neither had he tried. Well, this wasn't entirely true.

After reaching mainland for the first time in 6 months, Jack and Claire were amazed to find that they were in fact related. It was Claire's aunt who recognized Jack's surname, and put the two pieces together. Apparently, Jack's father had an affair with Claire's mother – which would explain the frequent 'business' trips Christian claimed to have during Jack's childhood, which usually only lasted for about a day.

And so began the makings of a family – Claire as the beaming mother, Aaron the content child, and Jack the drunken uncle who had too much eggnog at Christmas. Not exactly the best role model for his nephew, but Claire managed to divert Aaron's attention most of the time.

"Claire and I get together a lot naturally, usually on a weekly basis." Jack said, leaning casually against the wall as he spoke. "But I'm sure you would have assumed that."

Kate's brows furrowed, expressing her confusion quite visibly. "Why would you see each other? I don't-"

But of course Kate wouldn't' know they were related. How stupid could Jack be? When they had found out, she was already in the police cruiser, on her way to prison. "Right. Well, it turns out Claire and I are related. Half-siblings." Jack informed, feeling quite foolish.

Kate tilted her head to one side, resembling a curious puppy. She opened her mouth to question him, but she was cut off as someone came speeding around the corner, almost colliding into her as Jack had done not 5 minutes ago. It was Max, the Best Man. "Kate, there you are. Kevin's about to make a speech, you should hurry up." With that, he turned on his heel and headed back the way he had came but not before giving Jack a suspicious look.

As if snapping out of a hypnotic state, Kate's appearance immediately improved. Her posture became impeccable, any trace of a hunch gone. Her face seemed to harden, as she ushered Jack to follow Max. "If we don't hurry, we'll miss it."

Jack dearly wanted to know what it really mattered if they missed it. Even more, he wanted to know how Kate even knew Kevin, but decided not to question it. After all, was it really his business? Down the stairs they went, always keeping in sight of Max's back. By the time they entered the room in which everyone had gather, Kevin had already began.

"I want thank everyone who came today, we really appreciate you being here to help us celebrate my promotion." Kevin said, as he stood on an upturned cooler.

Inwardly, Jack snorted. The guy threw this big of a party because of a promotion? He went to mention this to Kate, but though better of it when Kevin weet on.

"Thank you to my mother, and to Dr. Shepard. Without you, my mother wouldn't have been able to attend today. And most of all, I want to thank my fiancé. I am truly in love with you," He paused slightly for emphasis, before continuing. "I cannot wait to marry you, Kate Austen."

With a sickening jolt, Jack turned to face his beloved Kate, as she beamed up at her fiancé.

---

**Author's Note:  
I pretty much hate this chapter, and I don't know why. It was rather hard to write, but I felt like I should get another one up. It's been a while after all. Reviews would be wonderful, but don't be too hard on me for this one.**


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